Sunday, June 28, 2009

Failing at Fertility

I guess I never imagined that the act of procreating another human being could be so difficult. Well, the act itself hasn’t been difficult, rather the actual meeting of the sperm and egg. After all, my mom and my high school health teacher scared me into thinking getting pregnant could happen from a handshake.

So, for years you avoid getting pregnant at the “wrong” time, dutifully taking birth control pills at the same time every day. Checking off all the things you want to do as a couple before having children.

Jack Bauer and I really wanted to enjoy being married for a while before starting a family. We loved to travel all around the world and worked long and hard at our jobs. He got his MBA; I trained for marathons. We even lived abroad for a year (not that these things can’t be done with children, they’re just a little easier without). We had planned everything out pretty specifically. New Zealand trip – check; promotion - check; buy a house – check; save a little bit of a nest egg so that we could have a nest for our eggs – check.

And like so many other couples, when we decided the time was right, it really didn’t occur to us that we would have challenges. After all, all of the women on both sides of my family, including my sister, pretty much got pregnant by looking at their husbands sideways, so I didn’t think anything of it. In fact, my mom was so hyperfertile that she got pregnant with my sister with an IUD in place and my mother-in-law got pregnant with my husband in a similar manner. I just thought JB and I could decide that one day we’d snap our fingers, so to speak, and the next day I’d be pregnant. But, so far, no stork has visited our house.

It just seems so ironic that something you have tried to avoid for so long could actually be completely avoided. We haven’t used birth control in five years and it’s made no difference whatsoever.

One night JB and I were watching TV after one of our many failed artificial attempts to conceive. He seemed to have an epiphany, looking up from his BusinessWeek saying, “You mean we never had to use a condom.” No idea what prompted that thought in his head, but I thought that one moment summed up a lot of this crazy journey.


  1. Hey..

    So many things are so ironic and make no sense...

  2. I know what you mean - we also waited, and planned, and I focussed on my career, and thought that we could have a baby whenever we wanted... Then I got sick...

    That condom realization is pretty funny - such a guy epiphany!

  3. Yup - I think a lot of infertiles feel lik ethat.
    I am the opposite, knew I had a disease, so we got married as soon as we bought our house, and rather then work on my career I started to try and get pregnant, that was when I was 26 almost 5 YEARS ago, I have never seen europe, I do not have a masters or great career sucess, and have even taken a year off to get pregnant - and no baby.

  4. We did everything in the proper order too, but now we are stuck in neutral. I emailed ya.

  5. Yep, it's a bitch ain't it? All that worrying for nothing. Still hoping it works out soon for all of us. Hugs.

  6. It was so nice to find your blog! Hun, I'm so sorry about your situation, but you're strong lady and I'm sure you'll make it! Personally I had de ivf in Ukraine. I can’t have kids without medical help. I was diagnosed with Turner syndrome. So my husband and I decided to try de ivf. When we were looking for clinic, the main criteria for us were positive reviews, professional doctors and good service. We've chosen Ukrainian clinic. Our neighbors tried donation there and the procedure was successful. They shared their reviews and thoughts about the clinic and the process with us. Also we've read some reviews of other couples, who were their clients, about good specialists, high rates of successful treatments and fertilization procedures. The clinic has good specialists and high rates of successful treatments and fertilization procedures. I’ve got pregnant from 2nd attempt. Now I have my precious girl. The clinic was just great, much to our relief! Everyone was friendly and helpful. All staff was professional. We had an English interpreter from the clinic with us at all times. She was a lovely girl and any questions were answered fully, no matter how silly you think they are to ask! Communication via email and phone was fantastic. All answers were received straight away. I couldn't hope for more caring and friendly people in so stressful time. I would recommend it to anybody. Now I have my daughter and I'm the happiest mom in the world! Speaking about price, we chose a 'Double' package for €6 900. It includes guarantees up to two attempts. They also have 'Economy' package for €4 900 with one attempt and a package for €9 900 with 5 attempts. In case of last package, the clinic promises to refund money in case of 5 failures. I have no regrets! My daughter is my little copy. The clinic controlled the whole procedure. Our program coordinator was supporting us during whole process and answered all our questions. My biggest dream came true and finally I have a family I was dreaming about for so long time. Hope, it will help you somehow! I wish you all the best!