Fertility Foibles

Please check out my new blog - Fertility Foibles

The next chapter

I’ve avoided writing this posting for the last several days, but I can’t wait any longer. Unfortunately, the last two embryos didn’t stick into their Nest. I think that deep down I thought that “if I don’t write about it; it isn’t true.”

I’ve run through a gamut of emotions since finding out the news – mad, sad, frustrated, angry, [insert your favorite synonym for pissed off here]. But, strangely, I haven’t had a complete meltdown yet. Sure, I’ve been upset, but I haven’t had the deep sobbing session that I keep waiting for – maybe it hasn’t fully hit me yet.

I also thought I’d go into hyperdrive with my usual coping mechanisms, but so far, no wine or Oreos have been consumed. I’ve put things in shopping carts on line, but haven’t clicked the purchase button. Perhaps I’m in a little bit of denial.

God bless our dear Nest. It hasn’t been easy on her, either. It was quite a shock – we both thought she was pregnant. And, damn the pregnancy-like symptoms that progesterone gives.

Not sure what is next for us, but Jack Bauer and I are ready to shake things up a bit.

Thank you for your support, prayers and fertility juju that everyone has sent our way. The community of infertile and fertile bloggers is awesome!

Over the course of the next week or so, I’ll be transitioning over to my new blog – Fertility Foibles – www.fertilityfoibles.blogspot.com. Join me there for more of the lighter side of infertility.

Our journey with our Nest is complete, but our story isn’t over; it’s just a new chapter.

Radio Silence

I really don’t think I exaggerated by calling Utah the land of the overly fertile. This was evidenced by the fact that the minute I arrived in the Salt Lake City airport, I was surrounded by blond-headed children. Swarms of kiddos were at the baggage claim, in line at the movies, at the rec center where I swam laps (I’ve never seen a locker room so full of kids). Yep, call me, hypersensitive – I know these are all typical hangouts for people under 18. It just seems like there are more small fries out there than any other city I’ve been to (haven’t been to Oz yet, so I’ll wait and pass judgment for that place later).

Anyway, it was a good trip to visit with family and concentrate on things other than the Nest’s pending beta test tomorrow.

So, two reasons for the title of today’s posting.

1. I didn’t have internet access while in Utah; thus the lack of postings last week.
2. I won’t do another post for at least another week, regardless of the Nest’s beta test results. I will either need time to celebrate beyond belief with the limited few who are aware of our current baby project with the Nest, or I will need time to be sad, eat cupcakes, buy expensive shoes and purses (or maybe a horse) and spend time with Jack Bauer.

Back when Jack and I decided to work with the Nest, we decided that this would be our last shot at biological children. I only had two embryos left, and I will not go through the process of another egg retrieval. No matter what happens, we truly believe that we’ve done everything we’re comfortable with and in our power to bring a baby into our lives. If it happens, we will be elated, but if it doesn’t, we still have one of the best relationships of any couple I know, and I'm more than OK with that. I am more than happy being a wife and the “best aunt in the universe” (as my niece and nephew call me). There are many more titles that I am proud of, and I will be fine if "mom to a human" isn't one of them.

That being said, I think the Nest is going to be keeping those eggs for another 8 and a half months. Woman’s intuition is rarely wrong, but I can accept it if I am.